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By: Chaya Sora Jungreis-Gertzulin
I was Chanukah gift shopping for my grandchildren. A friend approached me, and asked if I was experiencing what she was going through. She shared that her children’s requests and expectations have increased from year to year. They all have big ideas. It seems that only the latest and newest toys, electronics and name brand clothes and accessories will satisfy them. What to do?
My friend’s dilemma is very real. She, like so many of us, is torn between between making her children happy and listening to an inner voice that says you’re going overboard.
Yes, receiving gifts is fun, and there is a tremendous joy in giving. We want to buy the perfect gift. The gift that will put a smile on the recipient’s face, accompanied by “I love it…. I love it….” No one wants to see a dejected or unsatisfied child. But, at what price?
The ancient Greeks wanted to Hellenize, to influence the Jewish people. To spread their culture. We, too, have become victims of the norms of the society we live in. At this time of the year, “gifting is in the air”. Alluring store displays, glassy catalogs, eye-popping ads in magazines and non-stop emails, all hit us with the same message. It’s the season of gifting. Time to purchase that special gift for our loved ones. The gifts they truly deserve. Everyone around us is shopping, shopping, shopping.
And then – we do it. We succumb to that “shop-‘till-you-drop” mode. We buy amazing gifts for the special people in our life.
It’s Chanukah. The children tear off the wrapping, rip open the box, and we hear squeals of excitement. We feel great. We convince ourselves it was all worth it. For a few weeks, and if we are lucky, for a few months, the gift is appreciated and used. But then, slowly but surely, it gets forgotten, and there is a new “I must have it”.
Growing up, I didn’t receive Chanukah gifts from my parents, yet I never felt deprived. I have warm childhood memories of standing before the menorah with family, singing the age-old Chanukah songs, playing dreidel, and enjoying hot sizzling latkes. And of brachos. Plenty of brachos. My parents would give us brachos for gezunt, brachos to do well in school, brachos to follow in the footsteps of our zeides and bubbas. We would take a trip to visit our grandparents, Mama and Zeide. We had fun with our cousins, enjoyed Mama’s delicacies and received brachos from Zeide. Zeide always called us “mein lichtige kind”, my child full of light. It made us feel special. It is decades later, and I still hold on to those memories. How befitting it is that my zeide’s, HaRav Avraham HaLevi Jungreis’ yahrtzeit is on the 7th day of Chanukah, the yom tov on which we wish each other ah lichtige Chanukah, A Chanukah full of light.
It’s 2024… not 1964. The world has changed. Our children don’t live in a bubble. Gifts on Chanukah have become the norm. But this year, when we give our Chanukah gifts, give them with brachos. Brachos that our children and grandchildren walk in the derech haTorah. That they be a source of nachas. Fill in the blank – each of us, as parents and grandparents, knows what the right words are for each child. They may look at you funny at first, but the memories will stay with them forever. Children, no matter the age, need to know that they are loved and cared about. And a bracha does just that.
Even more important than gifts, children need to hear kind words. Years ago, I took my then young children on a trip to the city. They had off from school, and I planned a full day. The museum, followed by a picnic lunch and time to play in Central Park. Before heading home, they all needed a bathroom. I took them to The Plaza. (This was before the days of security guards stopping outsiders from entering.)
On the train ride home, I asked each one what was their favorite part of the day. My son, who was 9 or 10, was quick to say “the bathroom in The Plaza.”
I didn’t get it. The bathroom in The Plaza? My son explained, “There was a man in a uniform there. He turned the faucet on for me. He said ‘Young man, can I give you a towel? Can I dry your hands?”
We think we have to plan big trips and buy extravagant gifts. But at times, how our children react teaches us that the best gift of all could be as simple as some kind words, words that make a child feel important and loved.
The tradition of gifts on Chanukah began with Chanukah gelt. Why gelt? The Greeks forbade Torah study. After they were defeated, it was time once again to teach the children Torah and mitzvos. Coins were distributed to the children, both as an incentive to keep on learning, and as a reward for Torah study.
In our home, we follow that tradition. We give the grandchildren bar/bas mitzva age and older, Chanukah gelt. The younger children, who are not of age to appreciate the value of money, receive toys, games, or arts and crafts projects.
And what if you hear “but this friend and that friend got better gifts”? Let’s remember that Chanukah shares a root with the word chinuch, education. It’s up to us to educate our children, through words and deeds, to be sameach b’chelko, happy with what they have. To want what they have, and to look at others with an ayin tov, a good eye, a farginning eye. To be happy for someone else and thereby find their own happiness.
Gift giving is nice, but there is no need to go above and beyond one’s means. And even if one’s budget is not limited, is over-the-top spending necessary? Is this the chinuch we want to transmit? Does this reflect our values and priorities?
Chanukah is a time of giving, but it is also a time to teach our children about gratitude. As we say in Al hanissim, “l’hodos u’le’hallel, to thank and to praise.” Chanukah is a perfect time to show gratitude not just for the miracles that occurred “bayamin ha’heim, in those days”, but for the everyday miracles we experience through the guiding hand of HaShem. For all the light that shines through the darkness in the world around us. So important for children to understand.
And a closing note for us parents and grandparents. Let’s not be busy looking at what others give. Let’s give what we can, and give it with love – and a bracha. The memory will last long after the gift.
Shabbat Shalom!
Chaya Sora
Chaya Sora can be reached at [email protected]
This article was written L’zecher Nishmas/In Memory Of HaRav Meshulem ben HaRav Osher Anshil HaLevi, zt”l and Rebbetzin Esther bas HaRav Avraham HaLevi, zt”l
