By: Chaya Sora Jungreis-Gertzulin

My daughter’s friend, Rena, shared a personal story that speaks volumes. Rena’s days are hectic, being a devoted mom to a growing family, while at the same time having a demanding, full-time career.

It was an especially chaotic day. Rena and the children arrived home at the same time. Dinner had to be made. Each of the kids wanted time with their mom. And, there were messages and emails that needed to be answered.

Rena was trying to do it all at the same time. Her young son was telling her about his day in school, when he suddenly stopped and called out: “Ma-a-a-mmy”. Rena was standing over the stove, and quickly turned to face her son. “What’s the matter?”

“You’re not listening to me.”

“Of course I am”, and to prove her point, Rena repeated her son’s story to him.

“That’s not listening”, he said. “Listening is with the eyes.”

What profound, powerful words from a little boy. To listen with the eyes. To not only hear, but to give full attention. It was a pivotal moment. An “a’ha” moment.

Rena set everything aside and sat down beside her son. The look in her eyes made it very clear. Right now, you matter most to me. I am giving you my full attention.

To listen with the eyes. To really focus on who is speaking, and make eye contact.

It’s so easy to fall into the trap. I once passed a restaurant in Manhattan that had floor-to-ceiling windows, allowing passersby to get a glimpse in. It was lunchtime. I took a quick look at the tables for two alongside the windows. I had to take a second look. One table stood out. It was obvious that one diner was trying to make conversation, while her partner was busy scrolling on her phone. How irritating it is speak to someone who’s perusing a magazine, or texting on the phone, their face directed downwards, not even lifting their eyes to acknowledge the speaker.

Unfortunately, this scene most often repeats itself with those who are closest to us, to those who we grow comfortable with.

This week’s parsha, Vayeira, opens with Avraham recuperating from his bris. It was an extremely hot day. “V’hu yosheiv pesach ha’ohel, And he (Avraham) was sitting by the opening of his tent.” (Bereishis 18:1). Rashi comments that Avraham Avinu was looking for guests to invite into his home. Not the intense heat, nor his weakened state was reason to deter Avraham, the epitome of chesed, from fulfilling the mitzva of hachnossas orchim, welcoming guests.

“Va’yisa einav va’yaar shelosha anashim…, And he lifted his eyes and he saw three people…” (Bereishis 18:2). We know that each word in the Torah has its purpose, each one has its reason. There are no extra words, not even extra letters. Based on this premise, my mother, Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis a”h, posed a question. “He lifted his eyes and he saw….” Why the need to mention both lifting the eyes and seeing. Would it not have been sufficient for the pasuk to say either that he lifted his eyes or he saw? If Avraham lifted his eyes, he saw. And if he saw, then surely he lifted his eyes.

My mother explained that the words of the Chumash are there to teach us a life lesson. The importance of not just looking, but focusing, connecting.

“And he saw… three men.” Avraham didn’t just “see” three men. He saw three travelers who appeared tired and weary, hungry and thirsty. He was sensitive to their needs. He understood the discomfort these desert travelers were feeling. It was with that empathy that Avraham offered them water to refresh themselves, and food to satisfy their hunger. Even a tree with shade to cool off from the beating hot desert sun.

From Avraham we learn to use our eyes to see, feel, and comprehend another’s needs. To listen with the eyes.

Three travelers. Rashi teaches that they were malachim, each one sent by HaShem assigned to perform a unique mission. One malach to deliver the good news that in a year’s time, Sara will be blessed with a child. Another malach was sent to destroy the city of Sodom. The third malach, Raphael, was sent to bring healing. Raphael, literally meaning “refah kail” healing from HaShem. The malach Raphael brought two healings, one for Avraham and the second to save Lot – for what greater healing is there than saving a life.

Rashi cites a Midrash that one malach is not sent for two different purposes. What a powerful lesson. If a malach can only perform one mission, how can we, simple mortals, even think that we can possibly multi-task – all at the same time, no less – and come out winners. A lesson that goes hand-in-hand with giving full attention while communicating with others. The Torah teaches us otherwise. Something has to give. Multi-tasking while communicating creates a barrier to proper connection. Like Rena, who realized that standing over her stove while her child was attempting to communicate with her, just didn’t work. She had to listen with her eyes.

Rena took her “a’ha” moment one step further, coming to an additional understanding. A universal message that focus, presence, and empathy are essential not only in relationships with our family, friends and workmates, but we should also open our eyes in our relationship with HaShem. When we daven from the Siddur, or when we speak directly to Him with our own personal, private prayers, we should be “in the moment”, not allowing stray thoughts to fill our head.

The Talmud (Avoda Zara 28b) teaches that the eyes are two of the most spiritual organs of the body, its muscles directly connected to the heart. Not only does eye contact foster strong relationships, but concentrating with our eyes during tefillah connects our heart to HaShem.

We are taught a message profoundly relevant in today’s distracted world. We are living in difficult times. A generation where unfortunately many feel a disconnect between family members, others experiencing a distance from HaShem. We can try to overcome such detachment with the power of “Vayisa einav va’yaar, And he lifted his eyes and he saw”. To give it all we’ve got without distractions, thereby connecting to man, and connecting to HaShem.

Shabbat Shalom!

Chaya Sora

Chaya Sora can be reached at [email protected]

This article was written L’zecher Nishmas / In Memory Of HaRav Meshulem ben HaRav Osher Anshil HaLevi, zt”l and Rebbetzin Esther bas HaRav Avraham HaLevi, zt”l