Getting your Trinity Audio player ready...

By:  Yehuda Shurpin

As anyone who’s lost a loved one can attest, the recital of the Mourner’s Kaddish is a major part of the mourning process and the Jewish way to bid farewell to a loved one.

Let’s explore together the significance and practice of this sacred tradition.

 

What’s Mourner’s Kaddish?

Let’s start with the basics. The word “Kaddish” means “holy” in Aramaic and is a public declaration and exaltation of G‑d’s holiness, emphasizing the glorification, magnification and sanctification of the Divine Presence. (Click here to read more about Kaddish.)

This prayer is recited during the first year following a loved one’s passing and annually on their yahrtzeit (anniversary of death). According to Torah wisdom, Kaddish assists the departed during their judgment, eases their transition to the World to Come, and propels them to higher spiritual realms. It’s clear that saying this Kaddish regularly is vital.

 

Who Says Kaddish?

The main obligation to recite Kaddish rests on the sons of the deceased, even if they still have a living parent.1 Ideally, all sons should say Kaddish.

(In some communities, the sons are joined by brothers or the father of the deceased, but this is not common in Chabad or elsewhere. Even where it is done, relatives other than sons should only say Kaddish if one of their own parents is no longer alive.)

 

What if the sons cannot say Kaddish?

If there are no sons, or if the sons cannot regularly say Kaddish, then another close relative whose parents are no longer alive should say Kaddish. If the relative has one living parent, then they may recite Kaddish if that living parent agrees.2

The order of preference for which relative to say Kaddish is as follows:3

Grandson

Husband (for a deceased woman)

Son-in-law4

Father

Brother

If there are no relatives who can recite the Kaddish, it’s common to arrange for someone else to recite Kaddish for the first 11 months after the passing. It’s preferable that this person be paid, even a nominal amount, creating a tangible bond between the reciter and the family and ensuring that the Kaddish is said with dedication and sincerity. This financial support is especially important when the Kaddish-sayer is an orphan or a needy Torah scholar.5

How Often Is Kaddish Recited?

There are multiple times when the Kaddish is recited during the daily prayer services. Ideally, a mourner should recite each of these Kaddishim. Here is the list of Kaddishim according to the Chabad custom (page numbers are for the Kehot Annotated Edition):

 

Shacharit (Morning Services):

Kaddish D’Rabbanan, following the Braita of Rabbi Yishmael (page 26).

When possible, Chatzi Kaddish, following the Torah reading (only on days Torah is read) (page 63).

Kaddish Yatom, following the Song of the Day (page 77).

Kaddish D’Rabbanan, following the Ketoret (page 79).

Kaddish Yatom, following Aleinu (page 81).

Kaddish Yatom, following the recitation of the daily Psalms.

Kaddish D’Rabbanan, following the study of selected Mishnayot (page 465).

 

Mincha (Afternoon Services)

Kaddish Yatom, following Aleinu (page 117).

Kaddish D’Rabbanan, following the study of selected Mishnayot (page 465).

 

Maariv (Evening Services)

Kaddish Yatom, following Aleinu (page 135).

Kaddish D’Rabbanan, following the study of selected Mishnayot (page 465).

If you can’t say all of them, make the effort to get in at least one Kaddish a day.6

 

How Long Is Kaddish Said?

The recital of Kaddish begins immediately upon receiving news of the passing7 (some start at the funeral8 or after the burial9) and continues for 11 months, concluding on the last day of the 11th month from the date of passing. For instance, if the yahrtzeit is on the 10th of Shevat, Kaddish is recited until the final (afternoon) prayer on 9 Tevet.10

 

When do the 11 months start?

Many communities, including Chabad, begin calculating the 11 months of Kaddish from the day of death, even if the burial is a few days later.11 Others, however, begin counting from the burial.12

The 11 months are calculated based on where the deceased was at the time of death, even if it was a different day for a mourner in another time zone.13

How Is Kaddish Said?

Stand facing east with your feet together, just like when saying the Amidah (Silent Prayer).14

Before the final line (which begins with the words Oseh Shalom), take three steps back.15 The final line is then said when bowing to each side.

In the Chabad tradition, the bowing follows this sequence16 (which differs slightly from the sequence of Oseh Shalom at the end of the Amidah):

Bow to the right and say: Oseh shalom bimromav

Bow forward and say: Hu

Bow to the left and say: Yaaseh shalom aleinu

Bow forward and say: Ve-al kol Yisrael ve-imru amen

It should be noted that the common custom is to bow by simply nodding your head slightly downward (unlike the deeper bowing during the Amidah).17

 

What if one cannot stand?

One who is unable to stand (due to physical disability) may recite Kaddish while sitting. In this instance, they should try if possible to move back (either on their own or with the help of someone) the space of three steps for the recital of Oseh Shalom.18

What If There Is No Minyan?

Kaddish is essentially a public declaration and thus requires a minyan, a quorum of 10 Jewish males over the age of bar mitzvah. You may not begin mourners Kaddish if there is no minyan present.19

Once Kaddish has begun, all present should stay so the Kaddish can be finished with a minyan. If someone does walk out for some reason, you may continue to say Kaddish, provided that most of the minyan has remained.20

 

What If I’m In the Middle of Praying?

If you’re praying at your own pace, what happens when the minyan is at a juncture when Kaddish is normally said, but you’re in the middle of a prayer that shouldn’t be interrupted?

 

Non-Mourners

If you’re not a mourner, you should not interrupt your Shacharit prayers to say Kaddish from the time you’ve recited the Baruch She’amar blessing until after the Amidah, even if you regularly say Kaddish for someone.21 During Minchah, don’t interrupt during the Amidah. And during Maariv, don’t interrupt your prayers once you begin the blessings that precede the Shema.

 

Mourners Saying Kaddish for Relatives:

If the chance to say Kaddish arises and you are between Baruch She’amar and Yishtabach, most halachic authorities would advise a mourner to say Kaddish. If possible, you should do so between paragraphs.22

If you’re saying Shema or its accompanying blessings, some allow you to break for Kaddish23 and others do not.24

 

Even More Important Than Kaddish

While saying Kaddish and leading the prayer services are a source of merit for the departed, it’s even more important for the deceased that their children and descendants follow a path of righteousness in other areas of life.

The Zohar says that just as a son honors his parents with food, drink and clothing during their lifetimes, he must honor them even more after they pass away! When he walks a righteous path, he honors them in This World and in the World to Come. Then G‑d has mercy on the deceased and seats them in a place of prominence.25

May we merit the day when there will be no more death and we will once again be reunited with our loved ones, with the coming of the Moshiach and the resurrection of the dead!

 

FOOTNOTES

1. See Rama, Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah 376:4. One parent cannot object to their son reciting Kaddish for the other deceased parent.
2. See Nitei Gavriel, Hilchot Aveilut 2:43:4. See also fn. 6, where he quotes the Lubavitcher Rebbe on this.
3. See Pnei Boruch, Hilchot Aveilut 34:23-25.
4. See Shulchan Menachem, vol. 5, p. 296.
5. See Beit Yosef, Yoreh De’ah 403; Magen Avraham, Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 132:2; and Machatzit Hashekel ad loc.
6. See, for example, Igrot Moshe, Yoreh De;ah 1:254.
7. Siddur Yaaveitz, Dinei Kaddish 39; Shulchan Aruch Harav, Orach Chaim 71:1; Mateh Efraim 4:1; Sefer Haminhagim – Chabad pg. 78 (in fn).
8. See Birkeiy Yosef 341:12; Pischeiy Teshuvah 341:12; Kaf Hachaim 71:17.
9. See Nekudas Hakesef on Taz Yoreh Deaih 376:4.
10. Ba’er Hativ, Orach Chaim 132:5; Sefer Haminhagim – Chabad.
11. Siddur Yaavitz, Dinei Kaddish 39; Mateh Efraim 4:1; Sefer Haminhagim – Chabad.
12. See, for example, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 26:17.
13. Shulchan Menachem 5:295.
14. See Piske Teshuvot 56:1.
15. Shulchan Aruch Harav, Orach Chaim 123:1.
16. See Sefer Hamingahim – Chabad pg. 6.
17. Sefer Haminhagim- Chabad pg 6; Aruch Hashulchan, Orach Chaim 56:7.
18. See Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 94:5-6; Piskei Teshuvot 94:10; Halichot Shlomo – Hilchot Tefilah 8:30.
19. As opposed to the Kaddish Shalem and Chatzi Kaddish said by the chazzan, which may, in certain very specific circumstances, be recited if you lost the minyan prior to the Kaddish (see Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 55:3; Shulchan Aruch Harav, Orach Chaim 55:4; Mishnah Berurah 55:19).
20. Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 55:2; Shulchan Aruch Harav, Orach Chaim 55:3.
21. See Piskei Teshuvot 51:7
22. See Piskei Teshuvot 51:7; see also Shulchan Menachem, vol. 1 p. 214, fn. 10, where it notes that although some (see Piskei Teshuvot vol. 1, 51, fn. 71 and Nitei Gavriel, Hilchot Aveilut, ch. 44, fn. 10) quote the Rebbe as saying that even a mourner may not interrupt Pesukei Dezimra to recite Kaddish, this seems to be an erroneous reading of the Rebbe’s letter which stresses that the reason the one asking shouldn’t interrupt his prayers to recite Kaddish was that he had no personal obligation to actually recite Kaddish.
23. Sheilat Shalom, 43
24. Elef laMateh, Dinei Kaddish Yasom 4:8
25. See Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 26:21, citing the Zohar.