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By: Chaya Sora Jungreis-Gertzulin
Ever come home totally famished and grab some junk food – knowing full well, you will be sorry later? What about passing a bakery, getting a whiff of something yummy, and just can’t resist? Maybe there was a tough, tiring day at work, a day so intense, that when you come home you lose it, you snap, saying words you later regret.
In the 1960s, a study was conducted in Stanford University. It was dubbed “The Marshmallow Study”. A group of young children were gathered together and seated around a table. Each one was given a single marshmallow, with the promise of a second one if they could hold off eating the one placed in front of them.
The researchers left them in the room. It was just the children and the marshmallows. There weren’t any distractions. No books, no music, no crayons, no toys, and being that it was the 60s, no devices. They were left to occupy themselves and to look at their marshmallows.
After a few minutes, some of the children could not resist eating the marshmallow. Others were able to restrain, as they looked forward to a second marshmallow.
The researchers returned after fifteen minutes, and those that deserved it, received their second marshmallow.
The researchers followed their subjects for several decades. The children who were able to resist the temptation, and not eat their marshmallow, grew to be better students. They scored higher by an average over 200 points on their SATs, and experienced greater success in their careers. They built better relationships, had happier marriages, and lived healthier lives (of course, maintaining lower weight). They exhibited a lower tendency of frustration and aggression later in life.
The power of self-discipline and control. As Pirkei Avos, Ethics of the Fathers, teaches, “Ben Zoma said: Eizehu gibor, who is strong, hakovesh es yitzro, he who conquers his (negative) inclinations. As it is stated (Mishlei 16:32), ‘Better one who is to slow to anger than one with might, one who rules his spirit, than one who captures a city’ ” (Pirkei Avos 4:1).
Man is born with two inner forces, two inclinations, the physical and the spiritual. We can decide which force will reign. If we will it, we can rise to great heights, allowing the spiritual to be the dominant force. It is in our hands. Will we assert our power of self-control? Will our decisions reflect the divine neshama within? While we can’t control our life circumstances, we can control our reaction to them.
In this week’s parsha, Toldos, we are introduced to the twins, Yaakov and Eisav. “Vayigdilu ha’neraim, And the boys grew up. (Bereishis 25:27). Rashi explains that it was only after their Bar Mitzva that their personality differences surfaced. Eisav was “Ish yodea’ah tzayid, A hunter, ish sadeh, a man of the field.” Eisav was not just a hunter by occupation, but his entire being was one of “hunting”. Always on the prowl. He was in the open field, searching, but not knowing what he was searching for. Looking, but not knowing what he was looking for.
In contrast, Yaakov was “Ish tam, A simple man.” Tam, from the word temmima, meaning pure. He did not have any interest in the physical pursuits of his brother Eisav. He was “yoshev ohalim, sitting in the tents of learning”. Rashi cites a Midrash that tents, ohalim, is mentioned in the plural, because Yaakov spent his days studying in the tents of both Shem and Ever.
Ohalim, tents. The Kli Yakar explains that Yaakov took his learning home with him. He brought it into his personal tent, his home, creating a beautiful family life.
The Torah tells us of Eisav’s arrival home from a day of hunting. The savory aroma of Yaakov’s red lentil soup gets to him. He wants it, and he wants it now.
Eisav says to Yaakov, “Pour into me, now, some of that red stuff, for I am exhausted. Therefore, he was called Edom (meaning red).”
Eisav’s descendants became the Edomites, the people of Edom, the “Red Ones”. Just because he wanted some red soup? One would think that Eisav and his descendants would be called Edom – Red, because the Torah tells us that he was born “admoni”, with a reddish coloring. Oftentimes, people are named or are given nicknames based on their coloring, e.g. Rusty, Red, Ginger, Gingy, or for blondes it could be Goldie, Blondie, or Sandy. How do we explain Eisav being called Edom because of red lentil soup?
It wasn’t until the day that Eisav came in from the field asking for soup that his true identity and inner spirit was revealed.
The Chumash tells us that Eisav was ayeif, tired. Exhasted. Ayeif is not just physically tired, but emotionally burnt out, he was spent. Tired from life. Tired of the world around him. He had it.
Eisav tells Yaakov, “Haliteini, Pour it down.” I give up. I can’t do anything for myself. Pour the soup down my throat. “Min ha-adom, adom hazeh, From this red, red stuff.” The words are coarse. A need for instant gratification. Pour it down me. There was no “Yaakov, please, may I have some of that delicious smelling soup”.
Yaakov recognizes Eisav as not being worthy of the privilege of bechora, being the eldest. When he suggests selling the honor for the soup, Eisav’s response was “Who needs it. Heenei anochi holeich lomus, I’m going to die… what use to me is the bechora.”
Eisav’s true emotions are revealed. Even how he ate is robotic. Not humanlike. “Vayochal, He ate. Vayeisht, he drank. Vayokom, he got up. Vayeilech, he left. Vayeevez es habechora, He despised the honor of the firstborn.” (Bereishis 25:34)
Eisav doesn’t say to Yaakov, what did I do? What was I thinking? There were no regrets. That was it. A bowl of soup traded for a priceless birthright. He was done and out.
We must ask ourselves what did Eisav do that was so wrong. In his own way, he was saying it’s not for me. I can’t do it. I’m not capable. A reaction that is understandable. Where he went wrong is that he didn’t even try. He let the physical totally take over, and didn’t even give a go at it.
Sefer Bereishis is the story of our roots. Life lessons to be learned from our avos and imahos. It’s up to us to incorporate their teachings into our lives. Like the children tested with marshmallows, sometimes it takes strong willpower to grow and succeed. To not give in to the temptation of immediate gratification. Rather, it’s the long view into the future that should control how we react to every situation that comes our way.
Shabbat Shalom!
Chaya Sora
Chaya Sora can be reached at [email protected]
This article was written L’zecher Nishmas/In Memory Of HaRav Meshulem ben HaRav Osher Anshil HaLevi, zt”l and Rebbetzin Esther bas HaRav Avraham HaLevi, zt”l
