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By: Chaya Sora Jungreis-Gertzulin
I was running errands, when a woman I did not recognize approached me. “Are you Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis’ daughter?” When I proudly answered, “Yes”, she continued. “You don’t know me, but your mother helped me. I want to share my story with you.”
“I was contemplating divorce. My life was going in one direction, my husband’s in another. I reached out to your mother for advice.”
“Though the hour was late, your mother gave me all the time I needed. I told her how I was becoming more religious, while my husband was on another page. All I asked from him was to come to the Shabbos table, make kiddush, hamotzie, and spend time with our kids. He would come for a few minutes. No kiddush, no hamotzie. He would eat something and retreat to the den to watch TV. The kids would follow him – they love to watch. It would end up with one big fight. The Shabbos I dreamed of evolved into arguments, and I would go to my bedroom and cry into my pillow. This scenario would play out over and over again, every Shabbos, week after week. My husband is otherwise a good man. Is it reason for divorce?”
“The Rebbetzin gave me the best advice. She told me to set a beautiful Shabbos table. Make everyone’s favorite dishes – including my husband’s. To not even ask him to make kiddush, but that I should make kiddush and bless the children. To spend time at the table speaking to them about how their week was. To shower the kids with lots of love and understanding, and with time, your mother said, the kids will remain at the table where their mother gives them attention, rather than sitting in silence, watching a show.”
“Your mother warned me – no arguments. Make Shabbos a special time your children will look forward to, and eventually, so will your husband.”
“I listened. I blessed the children, made kiddush and hamotzie. The kids stayed, and with time, my husband joined. He came around.”
“Your mother saved my marriage. Today, we sit as a family. My husband at the head of the table. We have a beautiful Shabbos and a beautiful marriage.”
“Chochmas nashim bonsah beisah, The wise among women builds her home, v’eeve’less b’yadeh’ha seh’her’seh’nu, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.” (Mishlei 14:1) Rashi comments that the “wise” one refers to the wife of Ohn ben Peles, while the “foolish” one is the wife of Korach.
This Shabbos, we read Parshas Korach. Korach was a member of Shevet Levi, a cousin of Moshe and Aaron. He was blessed with so much. Korach held a prestigious position, and was honored with being one of the carriers of the Aron. He was wealthy and influential, successful in his own right. But for Korach, it was not enough. He wanted more. He wanted to be a leader. He was consumed by a toxic jealousy of Moshe and Aaron.
Korach approached Moshe, saying “We are all tzadikim. Why are you our leader, rabbeinu, and Aaron the Kohein Gadol?”
Korach was an influential orator, who was able to convince two-hundred-and-fifty others to join his rebellion. Amongst his followers was Ohn ben Peles, from the tribe of Reuven. Ohn promises his allegiance to Korach and his cause – a rebellion against Moshe.
Ohn comes home and shares the goings-on with his wife. The chochmah of a woman… a woman’s wisdom. She realizes that this is all about Korach’s insatiable jealousy, and knows that nothing good will come from it. She wants to protect her husband from being part of this insurrection that was doomed to failure. She appealed to her husband’s emotions, and explains to Ohn that no matter the outcome, he will remain Ohn. If Korach steps in as the leader, Ohn will still be Ohn. If Moshe’s leadership is confirmed, he will also be just plain Ohn. After Ohn’s eyes were opened as to what he allowed himself to be dragged into, he realizes his error.
But Ohn reveals to his wife that he has a problem. He had made a commitment to Korach to join his cause. “What will I do when they come to get me”, he asks her.
“No worries” was her reply, “I have it all figured out”. So Ohn’s wife offers him wine… and more wine…. He falls into a deep slumber.
Eishes Ohn ben Peles, the wife of Ohn, positions herself at the opening of their tent, with her hair uncovered. Knowing that Korach’s followers are all inherently righteous people, and will not approach the tent while she sat there with her hair out, she saved her husband from a tragic end.
“And a foolish woman tears it down.” This is written about Korach’s wife. She, like her husband, was consumed with jealousy. She looked at Tzipora, wife of Moshe, with envy. Just as Korach desired to be the leader, his wife was ready to be the “first lady”. With foolishness, she thought that prestigious positions would make both her and her husband happy.
Not true. We must create our own happiness. A powerful position is no guarantee for a happy life.
It is no coincidence that this week’s chapter of Pirkei Avos includes the mishnah regarding jealousy. “Ha’kinah, ha’ta’avah, v’ha’kovod motzi’in es ha’adam min ha’olam, Jealousy, lust and seeking honor remove a person from this world.” (Pirkei Avos 4:28) Powerful emotions, if not channeled properly, lead to one’s downfall, separating a person from reality. Clouding one’s mind, and creating a situation where one can’t make proper decisions.
The mishnah is teaching us a vital lesson. Not only do such characteristics impact one emotionally and spiritually, but can even physically remove one from the world around him. Anxiety, high blood pressure, even heart failure and strokes, can at times be attributed to the pressures we place upon ourselves due to unbridled “jealousy, lust and seeking honor”.
Korach created machlokes, disagreement, inner fighting. Machlokes comes from the word l’chalek, to separate. Additionally, I have seen it brought down from an anonymous source, that the letters of machlokes (mem, ches, lamed, vov, kuf, suf) can be re-arranged to form two words – chelek (ches, lamed, kuf) and maves (mem, vov, suf), a portion of death. By instigating discord, by choosing to separate oneself from the community, instead of earning the chelek of Olam Ha’bah, one brings upon himself the chelek of maves.
Reading Parshas Korach should remind all of us about the importance of unity, cohesiveness, and respecting our leaders. It should also make us realize how destructive and damaging discord and machlokes can be.
Let’s take the high road…. Always.
Shabbat Shalom!
Chaya Sora
This article was written L’zecher Nishmas /In Memory Of HaRav Meshulem ben HaRav Osher Anshil HaLevi, zt”l and Rebbetzin Esther bas HaRav Avraham HaLevi, zt”l
